There's Nothing Believable in Being Honest

Hello. Haven't utelized this pretty baby in quite some time. But today, blogspot, you get to bare witness to some of my strange, slightly mortifying truths.
Earlier tonight I took to tumblr with a mission, I detailed in this post:

"Alright, I’m Going Out on a Limb Here.

Jan 8th at 2AM / 0 notes

I’m posting this at the risk of sounding completely desperate, like I’m dying for interaction or something. But this is for the sake of personal psychology SCIENCE. And, goddamnit, I love me some personal psychology SCIENCE.

So the other day I inadvertently accused me of being an abnormally guarded person. This accusation spawned from a conversation in which I established my discomfort with talking about things I consider “personal” ( my plans for the future, people I find attractive, my health, any kind of personal problem I have/have had, etc. Essentially any topic that isn’t about some fictional thing I’m interested with. And God forbid anyone bring up the subject of feelings. I will shoot down the conversation without a second thought.) Anyway, the people I was conversing with immediately went on to say that whenever these topics are brought fourth in conversation, I either A) skillfully change the subject B) quickly turn the question(s) back around on the asker, C) make some weird parallel to fiction to avoid actually talking about myself in these contexts, or D) revert to some weird/unnecessarily self-deprecating humor to express my distaste for the scenario.

I, naturally, fought this entire accusation vehemently, claiming that it all came down to my general discomfort with other people’s social expectations, which have always felt too high for me. I defended my claim by saying that I am not the same on the internet. On the internet, I still joke around, and skillfully avoid all talk of feelings, but generally I feel I am much more expressive, overall.

But then I started questioning myself. I couldn’t actually figure out if my defense was actually true, or if it were just another diversion-type-thing. It has been bugging me all day, so I finally turned to tumblr for a personal psychology SCIENCE project.

What I am asking you to do is relatively easy (and could potentially be fun… for you… *tugs at collar nervously*)

I want you to go on anon right now and leave me the most invasive, personal questions ever. They can be of any nature. The way it will work is; if I find the question too personal, I’ll reply with N/A. If I can answer it, I’ll answer it. I really just want to gauge the truth in this. Hm.

I’m dead serious. If you do this, I’ll be your best friend forever (actually, that could be potentially difficult since you will, presumably be on anon. But I’ll be your best friend in spirit!) I am just curious. I honestly have no idea how I will react.

Thanks in advance to anyone who responds (If this gets no responses I will be amused)

P.S. I’ll probably delete this whole post tomorrow because I don’t want it clogging up my page with its unattractiveness. Or I might repost it since I have no idea if anyone’s online now. ~Mel"

In response, I got a slew of questions ranging from "eh" to "making me pretty uncomfortable now" (which was the desired effect.)
People who follow my blog (or who talk to me about blogging in real life) know I'm a bit of an annoying tumblr perfectionist, and I told everyone going in that I would most definitely end up deleting/privating posts for the sake of keeping my page "nice". But, there is also another important factor at stake here: honesty. It didn't want to make it look like I had anything to hide, since I DID ask for questions, after all.
So without further adeu, here are all the questions I was asked (and their 100% honest answers.) Do bare in mind some of these are probably a bit TMI. So if you don't think you want to know...

*Clears throat* One celebrity you would shag so hard their brain came out of their ears.

ANON. Bless thee for starting this. (It’s late. I just spent 6 hours chasing after a toddler. I get to say things like bless thee.) And for giving me a question I can handle to begin with. And for using the word “shag” which for some reason I like a lot. Okay. Sorry. Question.

I think I will go with David Fucking Duchovny.

___

How often do you shower?

I’m actually disturbingly frequent with showers. Showering is something I insist on doing every 24 hours, pretty much on the dot. Sometimes a few hours less, but never more. I’m a bit of a hygiene nut. I think it’s a manifestation of my hidden germaphobia.

_____

What are you opinions on teenage pregnancies? What would you do, if you were in the stages/process of became a 'teen mom'?

What do I think of teenage pregnancies? I think they’re unfortunately, but inevitable. I think they’re amazingly preventable with sex education and knowledge of contraceptives. As for what I would do if I found out I was pregnant? Well, first I think I’d drop dead. After that, I’d have to seriously evaluate my position. It really all depends on the scenario. How am I doing financially? Who is the father, and what is his level of involvement? What circumstances led up to this pregnancy to begin with? I am strongly pro-choice. I would definitely evaluate ALL of my options, and made the best, informed decision from there. Fortunately for me I have parents who are extremely supportive of me and have stated on multiple occasions that should I ever find myself in this position (God forbid) they would help me out, whatever my choice was. And it would be 100% my choice. Unfortunately, when it comes to teen pregnancy, there is no real “good” choice. Every option is difficult. That was the long answer to the question. The short answer is: I don’t know.

_____

Relationship status? Relationship past? (And, would you respond the same way in real-life situations?)

Relationship status = single.

Relationship past = single.

Something that most people do know about me (I make this pretty clear) just from short, painfully awkward conversations, is that I am pretty much aromantic. I don’t mean that in a flaily forever alone kind of way (not that there’s anything with being flaily and forever alone. Flaily, forever alone people are often my favorite.) I mean that in a I-am-legitimately-aromantic (that first definition)-98% -of-the-time (the other 2% is reserved for famous people and fictional characters. God help me and my dorkiness.)

So yeah. Forever romantically alone and totally fine with it. Doesn’t mean I haven’t had my fair share of horrible, repressed-memory teenage awkward experiences in other, sometimes associated, areas. But I’ve never dated anyone and I’m fine with it. *shrugs*

As for whether I would respond the same in real life situations? Probably not. I’d probably turn the question right around to the asker.

_____

What color are your undergarments?

black.

____

Have you ever watched porn just because you wanted to?

Yes. Actually I’ve never been in a scenario when I haven’t watched porn simply because I wanted to. That’s generally why.

______

Do you have erotic dreams often?

No. Actually, really, really infrequently. Usually my dreams are stressful and include me having to run, or hide, or find a place, or drive a car (I can’t drive), or operate a microwave, or take care of a forever-screaming/invisible infant, or complete some other kind of daunting task. My brain is a troll. It does not give me the luxury of erotic dreams.

_______

If you were gay who would you want to shag? (Yes, I will continue to use the word "shag")

If I were gay, I think I would shag Shirley Manson, or anyone who has ever played Lisbeth Salander in a Millennium adaptation (or just Lisbeth Salander if she is an option. *fiction spaz*) I say this because these are all women who I find devastatingly attractive (both physically and personality-wise) in a completely platonic kind of wouldn’t-it-be-awesome-if-I-were-more-like-you sort of way. I guess I can’t really know for sure, but I assume that if I were gay, these feelings would be sexualized.

_______

Has anyone accidentally walked in on you naked/changing?

Not that I can think of. Not recently at least. About six months ago, someone got the door to a bathroom I was in open about an inch and a half before I screeched “OCCUPIED” and scared her to death (the latch was broken.) I am actually really good at locking things and avoiding these scenarios.

_______

ANYWAY. Thanks to every anon (or possible one anon, I suppose, who participated.) Made for an interesting night.

We Were Bashing Our Brains Out on a Kitchen Cabinet. It Was a Televised Crucifixion.

Well hello there. I thought I'd revisit the blog since that's what all the cool kids are doing.

I must admit, there are times when I wonder why I keep this baby open. I mean, my posts here are sporadic at best, and when they do appear, they are usually wholly unremarkable, silly and self-indulgent. And I mean, come on; do I really need another social-media based outlet? Especially one that isn't particularly creative? Who even wants to hear about about my day-to-day? Or, more accurately my month-to-month? (Just to clarify, that was a rhetorical question. I am not- in any way- attempting to "fish for compliments".)

Anyway- I swear to you- for months there has been an ascendant part of me just begging to get back here and delete this blog all together. As time passed, this part of me grew more and more dominant, almost entirely over throwing the once-authoritative part of me that was interested in blogging and pushing on despite the boredom and the odds.

Somewhere along the line I realized that I've had this feeling before. The ascendant part always shows up, just before I'm ready to give up on something. The comedy-musical-thing we were going to make last summer? Crushed by the wrath of the ascendant part. The film I was planning to make THIS summer? Crushed by the ascendant part. My many endeavors into the art of short-story writing this year? CRUSHED. My brief and fleeting run with yoga? Pulverized to an absolute powder. (Okay, maybe that one was for the best...)

The point is- even if this is just a silly, shallow, pointless blog- I refuse to take the easy way out and hit 'delete'. This blog is my new battle against the ascendant part. That's not to say that I'll somehow become blogger-extraordinaire over night or anything. I still can't shake the feeling that blogging is kind of pointless... But I will definitely be making more of an effort to be present here in this, little Blogger community.

I hope that by fighting this sense of apathy, I will somehow fall into better habits... of self-motivation... and regularly tasting and touching the ambition I've pushed aside for so long, in favor of comfort and simplicity...

Hah! New Year's be damned. I'll make my resolutions in my own time, thankyouverymuch.



A charming example of Agalmatophilia I found on my neighbor's lawn a few weeks back. Holy shit! I love the weird one's best...

I'd Rather Be Liberated, I Find Myself Captivated.

Oh right. I have a blog.

So, clearly, April didn't work out the way I wanted it to, but that's no reason to give up on blogging completely, is it? Hell no. This is just the beginning! (Actually, I've got no clue if this is 'just the beginning' or not. For all I know, I might get bored half-way through this blogpost and never blog again!)

Right, so. I'm really just here to prepare you for my return to blogging.
Brace yourselves...

Important things that have changed since we last spoke:

*I played a show
*I saw Shirley Manson live (can you say, 'most amazing experience ever?')
*I made it to 150 pages on my novel
*I wrote 5 songs called 'Juice', 'Capture Your Queen', 'Barsi', 'Watch the Walls', and 'Circling the Drain' (bonus points if you get the reference in the third title.)
*I finished watching The X-Files
*My cousin came to visit and all went well
*I wrote a script for a film that might actually happen but might actually not happen also since our locations keep ditching us last minute
*My Garbage collection has expanded to 35 CDs.
*I got an ARC of Scott Westerfeld's new book and- let me tell you- it is BRILLIANT.
*I have a sunburn.

Important things that have NOT changed since we last spoke:
*I am still a redhead
*I am still terrified of doctor's offices
*I still lack the skills to commit to blogging full-time.
*I'm still just teaming with smartass remarks about anything and everything.
*My obsessions have remained the same (okay, they may have intensified a bit.)
*I'm still trying to be funny.
*I'm still kind of failing.
*I still have a sunburn.


Bye-bye.


-MEL

I'm Feeling Like a Criminal.

I'm a bad, bad blogger.

But tomorrow is going to be awesome.

Hand of Fate or Devil's Claws?

Today, it seems, I ran into the greatest of luck.

Went to the Apple Store this morning to get my iPhone screen replaced, expecting to have to pay $200 bucks. When I got there, though, I guess it was the world's most amazing person ever's shift.

This guy gave me a new iPhone for free, just because he felt kind of bad for me. I swear to God, I could have kissed him... except that would have been kind of creepy, so I refrained. haha.

Anyway. That went amazingly well.

Then, later that day, I went to swim for the first time this year. The pool was freezing but I was glad to get the exercise.

And now... well, now I'm sitting alone, watching X-Files episodes and browsing tumblr.


Pretty fucking fantastic day.

-MEL

(PS- Spring Break starts tomorrow. Whooo-Hooo!)

You Are Not Me, Arlandria.

So I have to admit; today has been fucking weird...

Woke up this morning to find myself home alone for some totally unknown reason. Turns out my dad went to hike in Glendale and then actually LOST THE CAR. How exactly do you do that?! No worries, though. He found it eventually and made it home. But not before my mom and Colin left to pick him up.

My brief moment of peace in the quiet house was disturbed, though, when a telemarketer proceeded to call six times in a row. GRR. Damn those people. I HATE telemarketing calls.

Anyway, today was the day of Colin's elementary school carnival and I was dead-set on having absolutely noting to do with it (I mean, who wants to spend all day walking around the blacktop in ninety-degree weather, while hyped-up children scream and run around you and 13-year-old girls use the heat as an excuse to wear as little clothing as possible in an attempt to impress the opposite sex? Yuck. No thanks. If that's your idea of a good day, please stop reading this blog.) Then, out of the blue, Jessica calls me and says, "I accidentally double-booked my schedule. Can you please come down and work the face-paint booth for me for an hour?" And I like Jessica, so I agreed. Reluctantly.

However, when I got there, I realized that the OTHER people working the booth were some ex-classmates of mine who I never exactly got on with. (I mean, there was never an altercation of any sort. It's just... these kids spent a the majority of middle school denigrating my friends and ostracizing other kids they thought were "weird".) Obviously, I didn't want anything to do with them. Especially since I knew that working with them meant there would have to be one of those awkward, "Oh-I-Haven't-Seen-You-In-So-Long-Are-You-Still-Friends-With-So-And-So" conversations.

Long story short, I managed to get out of working the booth. Mainly by begging Jackie to take my shift.

When Jessica got there a while later, I offered to hang with Logan for a while and take him around to play some games. That went well, aside from the awkward moment when some mom asked, "How old is your son?" At which point I just kind of stood there awkwardly and thought to myself, Do I actually look old enough to have a three year old? And then I realized- much to my horror- that technically, I could have a 3-year-old. O_O Let's all be happy that I don't, okay? Not that 3-year-old's aren't totally awesome and everything. It's just that, the last person who needs to be in charge of a toddler for more than a few hours is me. I think my head might explode. Anyway. Thought I'd share that severely-disturbing revelation with you all.

Speaking of disturbing experiences, after that little run-in, I went over to the school playground with Logan. He, of course, went absolutely nuts when he saw a slide and went running away from me. At one point, I thought he was going to fall, five feet, from the top of a play structure. My hands were totally crammed full of drinks and ice cream and sunscreen and my bag. In an attempt to keep Logan from breaking his neck, I actually ended up dropping my cell phone face-down on a staircase, causing the screen to shatter into a million pieces. I was absolutely devastated.

See, when it comes to my personal belongings, I take great pride in my ability to be responsible. I've never lost a cell phone or camera or iPod or laptop. I keep everything in good condition and take care of all of my things. I mean, I've lost one cell and one digital camera in the past due to water damage but both times the damages were complete freak-incidents that didn't really have anything to do with me (plus, I was twelve during both of those occurrences.)

So guys, I was so, so upset when I broke my phone. But you know what? I managed to hold it together. I didn't want to make Logan or Jessica feel awkward so I just kind of acted like it was no-big-deal. I got home later that day and made an appointment at the Apple store for tomorrow. Problem is, a new screen is $200 bucks, which I CAN cover but... fucking hell, that does NOT make me happy.


Whatever. I actually think I handled the situation pretty well. I mean, it was between my phone screen and Logan so obviously I chose Logan. haha. I REGRET NOTHING! bwahaha.

Anyway, good news:
I bought a Furby!

Good news I bought a Furby... Did I really just say that? How bizarre is that?!?


The neighbor's across the street were selling them at a yard sale and I figured it was a must-have for my growing 90's memorabilia collection.

Also, I'm teaching myself how to read tabs and the first song I am learning is the spectacular "Arlandria" by the Foo Fighters. Check it out!





-MEL

(P.S. I am thinking about album names/artwork)

Tonight will be like last night.

I really apologize.